Adriel's Music Notes

This site is dedicated to chronicling my music writing journey. Posts include personal thoughts, stories behind songs with links to listen and download these songs for free.

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Seasons in My Life

October 2, 2015 by Adriel 2 Comments

Tree Branches Sky Seasons of Life Song Quote Adriel HongI have been consumed by life at home in the recent months, so much so that I have shut out working on music almost entirely. Perhaps I will explore this more in depth with you on a future post. For now, I will simply say that I found myself with a very rare moment of having an empty, quiet house yesterday evening for about an hour and was reminded of a promise I’d made to a friend to find a song about changes in life.

This was the song that popped into my mind when they first made their request … it’s a song I wrote many, many years ago in my teens when our family was going through a hard season in regard to my grandma’s battle with cancer. The songwriting is a bit redundant in some places and is not the best piece, but as I sang it all the way through for the first time in I-don’t-know-how-many-years, I was struck with just how much the message ministered to my soul and spirit: God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, and He is unchanging. Such a simple message, really, but it was such a blessing to be reminded of that!

That time last night was so refreshing to my spirit … <sigh> … the bridge was originally a verse, but as I looked at the lyrics, something different came to me suddenly for that part and so that is the only change I made to this old song. The words in the bridge are actually taken from a passage of scripture that meant so much to me when I originally wrote this song:

“See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come…” Song of Solomon 2:11-12

This passage speaks of a new season … one full of hope, life, and song. It was something of a promise to me during our season in life full of sadness, death, and pain. This life we live has many different seasons in it, each one bringing new dimensions of emotions, challenges, joys, etc. What a reassurance to belong to a God Who is unchanging and always faithful. He is and always will be forever constant.

Nothing fancy here … simply recorded with my phone playing the good ol’ piano and a rusty, out of practice voice (which I plan on remedying soon). As usual, lyrics and song are posted below for your convenience. I hope you have a wonderful day resting in the Lord’s unconditional and unchanging love for you today!

Singing in this season of life,
Adriel

“Seasons in My Life”
Words & Music by Adriel Hong

(vs. 1)
Seasons in my life
And with them comes change
But in all of them I know
That You will be the same
The seasons may bring laughter
The seasons may bring pain
But in all of them I know
That You will never change

(chorus)
This season in my life
Is not here to stay
It is not forever
It will end someday
But You, God, are eternal
And Your love will never end
Mercy never changing
On You I can depend

(vs. 2)
The leaves wither and fall
The flowers fade away
The wind blows cold and strong
The sky is dark and gray
But in the midst of it all
My heart is full of peace
Resting in Your love
Knowing You are there for me

(bridge)
The winter is past
See! The rain is gone
The flowers bloom with hope
The time for song has come

© 2015 Adriel Hong Music

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I Lost it…for Real

June 22, 2015 by Adriel 3 Comments

KIRMPlainUntil a couple of months ago, I was struggling to believe one of my promise verses from Romans 8:28:

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

In fact, I was struggling to believe period. I reached the end of a year of darkness that brought me to a breaking point, literally. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve “lost it” and I must admit that a couple months ago, I snapped like a stick. Completely, utterly, shamefully lost it. It was triggered by a simple comment, but one that reinforced a fact that I resented admitting and facing: no matter how hard I tried, I would never be the “old me” again. But there it was, staring me straight in the face and confronting me when I’d done my best to avoid looking at it too long for all those months. And the truth completely undid me.

Fortunately no one else was home, otherwise I’m not sure I would’ve been able to completely admit where I was at or face my reality head on. God knew I needed to be alone. I sat in the middle of the bed, beyond devastated, angry, and hurt, and I succumbed to wailing, crying, pounding the mattress, and looking up at the ceiling, telling God that He didn’t care. If that sounds dramatic, this next part will be even more shocking. I then began throwing the pillows off the bed, anything within reach became my next victim. And then I saw my journals on the nightstand. All those journals with years and years of quiet times with the Lord, special verses, notes from sermons, and all the songs in them. I took each one and chucked it across the room as hard as I could in mixture of anger and pain. As I surveyed the aftermath in tears, I looked at all those journals strewn on the floor and told myself none of it was true any more.

I didn’t get to this shocking moment overnight. You see, there had been months, even years, leading up to this point. Months and months of trying to accept a woman who seemed like a stranger. And the more I wrestled with God over my identity and my ideals compared to His will and plans for me, my faith was assailed. Every day was a battle to choose to surrender and not fight against God’s molding and forming. Every day was a fight to stay present, to face the day with a good attitude, to be there as much as I could for my family, and to not escape my true reality using a variety of forms to drown out the pain.

But in a moment, after a careless remark that screamed “failure” at me in the midst of all my trying and best intentions, my heart broke, my faith faltered, and I threw a tantrum. As I picked up various articles off the floor after my “moment”, I couldn’t help but notice one of my journals was now very battered and the binding broken. As I studied it with sadness, taking note of the damage, I couldn’t help but see the irony, because that’s exactly how I felt: broken, battered…as if things would never be the same.

Over the next following weeks, I went to the Lord in tears over that incident, begging Him to forgive me for my anger, but it didn’t seem to matter how many times I prayed, I felt a distance between God and myself. I feared the worst: that maybe my faith was so broken, it was beyond repair and/or what I’d done was unforgivable because of my unbelief. So many conflicting emotions, thoughts, feelings…I sensed friction between the Lord and myself, friction that had been simmering for many months.

Weeks before this explosion in my room, I remember walking down the stairs in a frustrated state at God, telling Him that He was really testing me. He responded, “You’re really testing me.” And I knew exactly what God meant when He spoke that to my heart – I was testing the depth of His love, the boundaries of His forgiveness, the measure of His grace, the lengths of His kindness. I was testing His very nature and character with my own behavior that was shamefully rebellious to see if everything God said about Himself was true. I found out that it was and is indeed very true.

Psalm 119 50

When I finally came to that breaking point in a weeping heap in the middle of my bed, as ugly as it was and as shameful as my actions that day were, it was a turning point in my year-long battle with God over what He had chosen for me. It made me talk more to my husband and express the deepest and rawest emotions. My mom has been my confidant for many years, but I had even shut down on her, trying to brave it myself and pretend like nothing was wrong. Between the two of them, hearing message after message on Sundays that challenged me to walk in truth, and the Bible studies I committed to which covered areas related to what I was facing, no matter what book of the Bible we were studying or devotional we were reading… my heart was continuously, persistently convicted.

In one of my conversations with my husband, I was a mess of tears and emotions, telling him how I felt like I had less faith than I’d ever had before, that I was worse as a person than I’d ever seen myself, and he just gently told me that was a good thing. That made me cry even more, but his point was that seeing myself for what I really am without Christ and how much I need Him was priceless. When I shared my situation with my mom, she gently but firmly told me I had believed lies about the Lord that would take time to pull up, just like weeds. My pastor and his wife had no idea the turmoil I was going through, but every time I was in one of their Bible studies, Sunday school times, or listening to a sermon, there was no place for coddling the flesh and how it felt. There was just truth and what the Bible said and everything I heard resonated within me as an echo of what I already knew to be true.

I was exactly where God wanted me to be – in a church to hear and receive the truth about how a believer should respond when faith is tested in times of hardship, surrounded by people who cared about and loved me, not to mention that I was being relentlessly pursued by my Savior God Who wouldn’t and couldn’t let go of me because I am His child and I belong to Him. What a wonder, truly!

Coming to a place of humility, admitting my brokenness, my anger, my resistance, my pain, my questions, and being so tired of fighting God’s will that I was practically desperate to wave the white flag and surrender…that place is worth every moment of heartache and every tear. This is how our faith grows. Sometimes, we have to get chopped down to what may seem the root and it may appear to be a hopeless situation that would be impossible to recover from. But that’s exactly what we need sometimes for us to grow in the way God has destined for us and since we serve the God of the impossible, He can absolutely make that growth possible. He can and He will!

God Is God Elisabeth Elliot

I’ll be sharing a song later this week with you that I wrote in response to this whole process that God has been leading me through. Until then, may you keep your eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame. Things looked pretty hopeless and impossible for Christ too…but the grave was not the end of the story for Him, but rather just the beginning. I’d say that’s a very promising leader to follow. =)

Humbly,
Adriel

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I'm Adriel Hong and I am a child of God and believer in Jesus Christ. I'm also a wife, a homeschool mom, and a Christian singer/songwriter.

I'd like to welcome you to my music notes, a little corner of cyberspace where I share my songwriting journey, which includes free music, stories behind the songs, personal testimonies, music videos, and my musings. I pray that God would bless you and encourage you through this site and the songs that I am privileged to write down for Him. Check out my blog posts, listen to music, watch a video, or just poke around to make your own discoveries! Thanks for visiting and have a very blessed day! =)

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